i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
