im about as happy as oj after his trial
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How does one acquire holy water?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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