so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
