You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
