I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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