Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
