So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize