I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
