This girl is more easily done than said...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
