A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
