If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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