oh god the rape fog is back!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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