grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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