I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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