you turned your livingroom into a bong?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
