People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
