I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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