We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
