maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
