It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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