Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
