call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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