living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
