She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Ketchup is God's man juice
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
