Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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