when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
