FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
