A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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