We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
