its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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