I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
