nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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