Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
They are going to name an STD after you.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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