Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
