these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
