She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
