So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize