it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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