she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
vagina is talking i cant
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
