We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize