I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
