He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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