He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
