Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
