It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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