I'm drive I can fine osifer
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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