Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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