I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
