I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
