this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
