Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
