Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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