Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
50% drunk capacity currently
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
