I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
