piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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