tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
