I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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