i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
