my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
