i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
