How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
