I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
When did angry sex become our thing?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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