Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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