Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
