Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
