Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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