Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
