I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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