Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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