I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
